Just dillydallying

lynzave:

today these kids were talking and being really rude during a test so I finally fulfilled my dream of telling them off by yelling “I AM FAILING THIS CLASS AND YOU DILDOS AREN’T HELPING MY SITUATION, LET ME TAKE MY TEST” and it went dead silent for like two seconds and one person snickered and the teacher said “don’t you dare laugh, she’s absolutely right”

I’ve never had a school official back me up after calling someone a dildo.

(via ohtherage)

farorescourage:

being an adult

(via ohtherage)

(Source: zachsrealm, via johnquincyadams)

(via humortrain)

blein:

sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST 

(via i-will-die-laughing)

Who invented the blow job?

Like, who wakes up one day and thinks “today, I will suck a dick”

(Source: shadzu, via i-will-die-laughing)

wiitangclan:

wiitangclan:

the best way to a girls heart is punching through the ribcage 

apparently this is illegal but dont let it stop you

(Source: tapdancers, via i-will-die-laughing)

thelocalpaedo:

lizlet:

moderation:

fatmanatee:

dream job

dream look

dream name

dream man

(Source: cordjefferson, via i-will-die-laughing)

andrewhussiesbosom:

LAST NIGHT I HAD A DREAM THAT I WAS IN SCHOOL AND I FELL ASLEEP IN ENGLISH CLASS ND WHEN I WOKE UP I WAS SUDDENLY AT A BUSINESS MEETING AND THE ICARLY CAST WAS THERE AND CARLY AND SAM STARTED OFF LIKE “Im carly, and Im sam and we’RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH YOUVE FUCKED UP YOUR LIFE” AND THEN SPENCER CAUGHT ON FIRE 

(via i-will-die-laughing)

epic-humor:

see more

(via i-will-die-laughing)